Fragile

We don't like to think of our marriage or our family as fragile.

Fragile seems to be a word of weakness.

We would much rather say that we have a strong marriage and a strong family.

Unbreakable, Unshakeable, Never-ending...

That, of course, is the goal.

Strength. Not weakness.

But, what do we do with things that are strong and durable?

We use them. We take them for granted. We test their strength. We abuse their abilities and push their limits.

These things can be thrown, washed, dropped, hit and they will make it through. They may not look as good or work as well, but they are durable enough to take everything you give it.

My girls have a Step2 slide in our backyard. That thing gets climbed on, colored on, jumped on, tipped over... you name it, they have done it. Without a thought, they beat that thing silly while they play. They can do that because they know it won't break.

Now, think about things that are fragile.

We cherish them. We hold them dear. We protect them. We realize their value and treat them accordingly.

My new DSLR or my angel friendship figurine or my diamond ring... I would never treat them like my girls treat their slide. I know they can break. I know they need my care and attention.

I understand the value and appreciate their delicateness.

I would say that I have a strong marriage. Jeremy and I have learned so much in the past 11 years. Sometimes it is easy to see our marriage as strong, durable and take for granted the relationship we have together.

Our marriage can take a lot and withstand the treatment of life.

Because life IS hard and our marriage needs to be strong.

But just because our marriage needs to be strong doesn't mean that Jeremy and I can fail to recognize that marriage is fragile.

Yes, marriage and family are fragile.

Not weak... just delicate.

Our family is fragile.

Not weak... just precious.

Our marriage and our family is valuable.

They should be treated with care, held dear and fully appreciated.

Everyday we must remember how fragile relationships can be and how desperately we need to take care of them like we would any other treasure in our lives.

Just because they are strong and durable doesn't mean we can allow life to test the limits of their strength or "beat them silly" like my girls' slide.

 Purpose to handle your family relationships with care, attention and love.

*Linking up with Rachel @ Finding Joy for Friday Favorites

 
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Friendship

"Honey, just be you. Be the kind of friend that you would want to have."

Lately, Elayna and I have been having a lot of conversations about friendship. She is getting to the age where friendship is changing from "let's play Barbies" to more conversational moments while coloring or drawing or crafting.

God has placed some wonderful girls in her life as friends and I'm very grateful.

But even in the best of friendships, young girls must learn how to be a friend to others and how to respond when a friend acts in a way that you don't appreciate.

In this stage of life, Elayna is learning what things she likes to do, what topics interest her and what kinds of activities are fun for her. She is developing conversation skills, discovering her self-confidence, and acquiring relationship boundaries. In these early years of growing friendships, she must learn to navigate conflict, misunderstandings, changing interests and friendship etiquette.

Elayna is realizing that friendship can be hard, challenging and sometimes even hurtful.

The ways large groups of little girls played together in their younger years becomes more difficult as girls grow older and start to realize that some friends are different from others, some friends might have good friends other than you and all friends have faults.

Some friends can hurt you unintentionally and sometimes you can hurt them unintentionally.

She is also learning that friendship is valuable, it is worth putting in effort and it often takes time to build.

As moms, it is our job to help our girls learn good relationship skills and give them the correct, godly tools to be good friends and have good friends.

We want to see our girls thrive in their peer groups and enjoy having many different friends. No mom wants to see her daughter struggle through insecurity, low self-esteem or feelings of not being good enough because of not knowing how to handle healthy relationships in their lives.

But, the challenge in teaching these skills comes in the fact that sometimes, as grown women, we don't always know how to walk through friendships in real, healthy and benefiting ways.

Even as adult women, our friendships can sometimes feel hurtful, disappointing, frustrating or hard to understand. We can leave an event or gathering of friends feeling like we were misunderstood or alone. We can be easily offended, feeling judged. Or, we can easily offend not realizing how our words effect those around us.

We can fail to value the gift we can be to others and cherish the gift they can be to us. We must choose to work on our friendships in ways that God would want us to.

Why is it important that we have healthy, godly friendships?

We need to remember that we are modeling friendship for our girls! We are setting the tone for how they feel about the friends in their lives. We are responsible for teaching them the life skills they need to have friendships as God intended.

If we don't know how to have healthy friendships, how can we teach that to our daughters?

If you are like me, then you think you know how to have healthy friendships. But, when I sat down to read Lisa Whelchel's book "Friendship for Grown Ups" a few years ago, I realized that sometimes I carried unhealthy habits that negatively effected my friendships.

Unknowingly, I had fostered self-dependence and insecurity that kept me from trusting women, building deeper friendships and being willing to work for valuable relationships. In some ways, I'm sure being a pastor's kid and being a pastor's wife has added to many of these attributes, but whatever the reason, I realized that I needed some God moments to help me rediscover how to have healthy friendships.

In the past week, I have talked to three different women in completely different situations about the idea of grown up friendships.

I had three very good conversations about building healthy friendship, establishing boundaries, learning to handle conflict in a godly way and discovering ways to dismantle gossip and slander from being a part of friendships.

Reaching back into the study I did using Lisa's book a few years ago, I was able to share how God has helped me to learn (and still learn) how to have, cultivate and navigate healthy friendships.

1. Evaluate - Evaluate your circle of friends. What kinds of relationships do you have? Who is the friend who always needs you for something? Who is the friend you go to when you need something? Who gives you information about family and friends? Who can you trust? Who is a friend that sharpens you spiritually? Who challenges you? Who brings you down? Who can you count on to have something bad to say? Who always has a cheerful word?

2. Expect - Expect more from yourself than from others. Be the kind of friend that you would want to have. Don't expect more from your friends than they can give you. Know your friends strengths and weaknesses and allow your friendship to grow there. If you know they can't keep a secret, don't tell them a secret. If they never call you and you always make the plans, don't expect them to call or be disappointed every time they don't call.

3. Examine - Examine yourself. Are you a good friend to others? Do you tend to challenge others or bring them down? Do you talk bad about people? Are you someone they can trust? Does insecurity drive you to act in a certain way or pull back from some friends? Do you have to talk about yourself? Do you like to hide in the corner of a group? What walls have you built in protection that have hindered you from having real friendship?

As you do these things, ask God to open your eyes to your own heart.

Some common things He may show you:

1. Gossip - This is huge for women. Learn what you can say and what you can't. Learn what friends you tend to "spill your guts" or "say it like it is" with and determine to change the tone of those conversations. I am sure we have all left a conversation feeling yucky because we may have said something we shouldn't have said. I begged God to help me remember that feeling so that I would hold my tongue the next time. God hates slander yet we sometimes get caught up in it in the name of friendship. Two skills I now use to keep me from getting in conversations that could be gossip or hurtful to others: 1. Matthew 18 - simply ask the question "Have you talked to that person yet?" If they haven't, you have no business getting involved. 2. Say, "You know what, I don't need to know any more details about this... let's take it to God. Let me pray with you." Taking either of those approaches is how we can use God's Word to protect ourselves from saying or hearing harmful things!

2. Walls - Self-built walls keep you from deep, lasting friendships. Taking the walls down can be painful and getting hurt in friendship can be painful. But, we will never be able to impact our friends or have the kind of friendships God intended if we live behind walls. Putting up walls tells God that He can no longer use you in the lives of people around you.

3. Trust - Be someone your friends can trust.

4. Fear - Afraid to be known or take the time to get involved in another person's life

Those are just a few examples.

Having healthy friendships is a skill that we need to learn, cultivate and grow in our lives.

Our handling of this topic is vital to our girls being able to experience friendships in a healthy way.

So, as I'm teaching Elayna, I'm checking up on myself, asking God what else He can show me about friendship.

I know this was a long post, but this is a conversation I've been having quite often lately... I'd love to keep the conversation going here or on our facebook page.

How do you handle teaching your girls about friendship?

How do you grow healthy friendships in your own life?

 

Midwest Homeschool Convention

In the midst of many of church commitments, I took about 36 hours last Thursday and Friday to skip away to the Homeschool Convention. I was staying with my friends Julie and Michelle for some convention fun.

And, other than making a few really quick blogger info cards on some old perforated printable business cards that I found in our basement...

I showed up to the convention completely unprepared!

Last year, I made notes, called friends, got information, typed lists, marked out sessions that I wanted to attend... all BEFORE getting there.

Not this year.

I had made a few small notes on a scrap piece of paper that I accidentally forgot on the school table at home. So it didn't really help me once I walked into the huge exhibit hall.

On Thursday, I attended a few sessions and then took myself and my little suitcase into the exhibit hall. My goal? Getting all of our books for next year.

Where do I go for that?

Well, I have two favorite booths at the convention: My Father's World and Rainbow Resource.

I walked into the MFW booth and thought, "Oh, junk. I forgot to call Marianne."

Marianne is my information source for MFW (not to mention a very good friend!!). She is one year ahead of me in homeschooling and gives me all kinds of great tips, information and other homeschool help. I needed to talk to her before I bought books. That started a fun texting conversation while she was at home sewing and I was standing at the booth.

In the midst of that, I realized that my little scrap of paper was at home on the school desk. The scrap of paper that told me what level math books I needed.

Dreading the conversation, I called Jeremy at home. I was dreading it because I had just completely reorganized our school room. I didn't even know where to tell him to look for the math books. I stood there, in front of the Singapore math table on the phone trying to tell Jeremy where to look.

He couldn't find them. He didn't even know what they look like. And I wasn't much help.

He called Annalise down to the schoolroom. "Annalise, show me your math books."

Well, she couldn't find them either. Not good.

I was laughing through the conversation because there were two other moms standing at the math table doing the SAME THING! They were on the phone with their husbands trying to explain where the math books were. I loved it. I didn't feel alone in my unpreparedness. (I text Jeremy later telling him I wasn't the only one and he didn't respond. He must not have been amused by that information.)

I was able to get most of my books on Thursday night. Then, on Friday morning, there was a homeschool blogger meet up at the Starbucks in the convention center.

I met Melissa Langford, Granola Mom, Sarah Ronk, Sarah James, Stacey Ruberg, and Julieann Pratt.

We had great conversations about kids, homeschooling, adoption, homesteading, blogging and more!

I also got to meet Leah from Currclick and Sam from Sam's Noggin. Why I didn't grab pictures... I don't know!

I spent some more time in a few sessions and then visited more booths to finish up my shopping for next year.

By about 3:00pm, my mind was on overload and I needed some rest!

I found a quiet spot on the floor and jumped back into a Lisa Bergren book that I am reviewing. So nice...

Elayna was my little buddy for the weekend so her and I met up with some other homeschooling moms from our church and went to dinner in downtown Cincinnati. Here we are by the fountains... it was great to spend some time with my oldest!

*linking this picture up for Mommy and Me Monday with Krystyn!

My favorite session speaker was Kirk Martin from Calm Christian Parenting. His big message is that everyone is responsible for their own actions. You can only control YOU. Stress free parenting and calm leadership. I was very impressed with his practical ways of helping parents look at scripture and dig out basic, godly parenting skills. Giving your kids tools instead of always punishing them for the same behaviors. Remembering our authority to parent comes from God. Don't assume the worst about your kids. Give them the opportunity to respectfully speak with you. Change family habits and generational patterns.

And so much more: Impulse control, Choices and Promises, Consistency...

I can tell you that even if you don't homeschool, a homeschooling convention is a great place for some wonderful parenting advice and guidance!!

Well... now that this post has literally taken me all morning to finish... we are off to piano lessons and another week of homeschool fun!


 

Girls, Giggles and Tears

I was down in the basement, hanging up wet clothes from the washer and I heard the sweetest sound a mom can hear.

Belly giggles.

All three girls, at the same time, laughing real big laughs together. in unison.

"That truly is the best sound on earth..." I thought to myself.

*sigh

Then, I heard one of the worst sounds a mom hears in a day... tears.

Loud sobs and a big wail.

Trouble in paradise... couldn't the laughter have lasted a teensy bit longer?

I headed upstairs with a basket of clean clothes while saying in my mom voice, "What is wrong? Who is hurt?"

Surely someone was hurt with that kind of racket going on upstairs.

I rounded the corner to the main floor and saw Elayna looking upset, Abby crying and Annalise with a face that said, "I have no idea what happened!"

Setting down the basket, I quickly made an assessment of the situation, just by the looks on their faces.

Elayna had done something in anger.

Abby had been instigating and was now crying because of whatever Elayna did in retaliation.

Annalise, again... had no idea.

"Mommy... my anger got away from me... I didn't mean to!"

"She hurt me!"

EMOTIONS. FEELINGS. HEARTS. THOUGHTS. PASSIONS.

An incredibly fast shift from happiness to anger to hurt to revenge to tears to spite to... you get the picture.

GIRLS.

I mean... really... you'd never know it from these sparkling faces...

But, these girls, like any girls... can get really wrapped up in what they are feeling or thinking or wanting.

How do we train them to handle those emotions? How do we guide them back from spite to love? How do we build life skills in those moments when feelings reign and dictate their actions?

How do we help them focus on themselves and what God is doing in them instead of the mistakes of others?

Teaching patience and kindness and forgiveness and peace...

Giving them the gift of thinking about others, caring for how the other person is feeling... in a society that says you can have it all, have it your way and get what you want...

I want my girls to realize that their feelings are created by God within them for a purpose. The feelings themselves are not bad. Acting on the feelings is where the temptation to sin can be found.

Feelings are not an excuse for bad behavior or mean actions.

Feelings, if allowed to run free, will cause deep pain and heartache for everyone.

Feelings, emotions, heart passions are what make girls compassionate, caring, giving, loving, helpful, empathetic... As a mom, I have the job of making sure they understand how to use those feelings for the good of those around them.

There are some key phrases and things that I'm teaching my girls to help them in those times where they want to negatively act on feelings and emotions.

Self-control. Keep your hands and your words to yourself when you are angry.

Seek God. How does He want you to respond to this situation?

Heart-focus. What did you do to contribute to the situation? How can you let God help you do it better next time?

Be a peacemaker. How can you help calm things down? Do you need to say your sorry and ask for forgiveness. Do you need to offer forgiveness?

Don't run away.  This is KEY. Running off alone, pouting, thinking angry thoughts or letting sinful behavior ruin fun play is not acceptable. Face the situation and do your best to make it right. If a time-out is needed to calm down, that is different than just running away. Don't confuse the two. I don't want them to think that they can just run off to their room when they are upset. That doesn't solve the heart of the issue or help heal the situation. I don't want to isolate them. I want to teach them.

You control you. You can't control how the other person or sibling is going to respond. You can only do what is right and then pray that God will work in their heart too. Do what is right anyway whether you think they will respond well or not.

Give it to God. Don't hold grudges or allow past hurts to effect today. Truly forgive and let God bring healing.

Seek Resolution. Not just an angry, "I'm sorry." A true resolution takes time, talking it out and making sure that all sides understand and have been heard.

Go to God's Word. The Bible is FULL of verses about our emotions, our feelings and our ability to overcome with His help!

Journal. Once they can begin to write out their feelings, let them do it in a safe place that they know you will go over with them. Not a place to write mean things or be hateful, but place where they can work things out and allow God to speak to them. Some of my favorite conversations have come about when Elayna and I go over her journal together.

Remembering that these things, this process of learning to handle emotions will teach valuable life lessons. Lessons of conflict resolution, relationship skills, friendship tools and self-worth... things that will last a lifetime.

And, it is never too early to start. Granted, there are times that I really don't think they "get it."

Like tonight, Abby said something totally out of left field when I wanted her to say sorry, "But, I don't think they love me when no one cares when I'm sick in the car!!!" (She got car sick. once. last summer. clearly she was on another playing field from the conversation.) But, we work on the process and the principles anyway.

We push them to grow, challenge them to think big, and guide them as they mature into young women who will be able to handle their emotions and feelings in godly ways.

Being a girl is not an excuse for wild emotions and crazy feelings.

Being a girl is an opportunity to be uniquely used by God in great ways!

Even in those moments when all three girls are crying over something, Jeremy and I can look at each other and know that God is using us to train, teach and develop three precious hearts for His glory.

 

Guess This Picture

Can you guess what is happening in this picture?

Hints:

Daddy's office at church (excuse the mess)
A little girl in pigtails sporting her church bag
A stern Daddy face
A Mommy taking a picture because it is so stinkin' cute

 

Changes in Motherhood

Do you see these girls? How much they have grown?

Especially, looking back at my very first post on this blog... Abby is in a diaper!

My girls are growing.

I've been hearing that a lot lately...

"Elayna is looking so old these days!" or "I can't believe how big Abby is getting." or "Annalise has grown up so much in the past few months!"

They really aren't babies or toddlers or preschoolers anymore. My girls are in new stages and facing new things and, well... they are growing up!

They are growing up and I'm noticing some new things happening...

Our conversations have changed. We talk more about friendships and practical ways to live for God and real heart issues.

Our heights have shifted. I'm no longer towering over them as they toddle on their way. Elayna almost reaches my shoulders!

Our routines look different. They sleep in longer, they eat more, they read for themselves (almost in Abby's case), they get their own band aids, they make their beds... the list goes on and on!

Our discipline has become more about the deeper heart condition behind the action than just teaching them to hear the word no.

Clothing, free time, activities, likes and dislikes... it is all morphing into a new phase.

I'm realizing that my mom job has to change and morph with them as they grow.

My "No, don't do that." isn't enough anymore.

Although they are growing in independence, they now need me in new ways.

I must be ready in each and every situation to explain, to point them to God's Word, to take time out of what I am doing to have meaningful conversation with my girls. I have the responsibility before God to make sure that they have a spiritual understanding and a biblical view of life.

Where parenting toddlers is physically demanding, this new stage is mentally demanding. 

I have to be on my game all the time. No breaks. No rest. No stopping.

Persistence, patience, and love blending together into words of wisdom and acts of parenting that will have an eternal impact on my kids.

The other night, Elayna was dealing with a friendship issue and she needed her mom's advice. She needed to be heard and to be validated and, at some points, corrected.

I stood there at the door of her room... I'd already turned off the light... listening to her poor her little heart out.

I caught myself thinking of other things, listing the things I had left to do before I went to bed. I had to make myself refocus and stay focused on the precious words my daughter was saying.

It would have been incredibly easy at that moment to shut her down and close the door, using the "bed-time" excuse. But, I didn't. I knew that it wasn't really what she was saying that was so important but the building of a relationship between a mother and a growing daughter. I felt the structure going up for what I'm hoping will become the beginning of many more meaningful conversations. I sensed boundaries and skills and trust being tested.

More and more moments like that are happening around our house. Big life topics and thoughts being explored. Situations that need godly wisdom and thoughtful consideration.

I find myself parenting with words. many, many words. Parenting from my heart to their hearts.

As the girls grow and change, my style must change. My prayers must go up for the daily wisdom I need to say and do the right things for my girls.

It is amazing how what I am learning in my own relationship with God is often used directly in parenting that very day. What God shows me, I can show them. What He is speaking to me, I can relay to them. I can use what God is doing in me to make an impact on my girls. I can open up God's Word and know what to show them because I've just studied it myself!

This new season of parenting with words requires me to be in THE WORD so that I can be prepared with words of life to impart on my children.

I want to encourage you that whatever season of parenting you are in, God will equip you to parent in that exact phase. As the parenting seasons change, God is right there to move and to work in the ways you need. That is the mighty, personal God we serve!


 

A Foundation

Last night, at our mom's Girl's Night Out, we ended our fun with some talk time at Starbucks.

We talked and laughed about all kinds of things from Weight Watchers to books to kids.

But my friend, Julie, asked us a great question.

"What is your kid's bedtime routine?"

It was so very interesting to see the differences and similarities between the homes represented in our small circle.

I loved hearing from each one and getting a sneak peak into their homes during bedtime.

We had a great conversation about tucking the kids in, funny things the kids say or do, things they need to go to sleep, systems that help the whole ordeal run smoother, how long the routine takes, and the many discussions that take place at bedtime.

In our house, bedtime is one of my favorite times of the day.

Oh, I still have those nights that I dread the long routine and wish they could just put themselves to bed with no fuss or fights or problems.

But, I quickly remind myself that this routine is part of being a mom! I have to encourage myself to not wish it away... to cherish the special time with my girls each and every day. To thank God that I have the ability to put my girls to bed in a safe and warm home.

I push myself up the steps each night because this the bedtime craziness will last in my girls' childhood memories.

They will remember Daddy disrupting everything by singing loudly or messing up their blankets. They will remember Mommy asking Daddy to stop getting everyone all rowdy again. They will remember getting in trouble for getting out of bed... for the 5th time. They will look back on those snuggly nights with happiness and remember the feeling of being loved.

How do I know? Well, I remember my Mom and Dad putting me to bed. I can still hear my Mom saying, "Ben! Do not get those girls worked up again! Stop! It is bed time, not play time!"

And, I remembered that phrase because I caught myself saying the exact same thing to Jeremy not too long ago.

Bedtime is a vitally important part of our parenting. We have chosen to make it a priority in our home. Even on the nights that I am tempted to skip devotions because it is too late and the girls are tired, I choose to give God the last moments of the day.

You see, I know the girls will remember the silliness, the routine, the rush to get everyone cleaned, brushed, changed and tucked in before the hour gets too late.

But, I'm hoping that they will also remember the most important part of our routine.

The time that we take each night to focus on Christ. To read the word and to talk about it together. I see this as different from school Bible study because this is time that we take out of a very busy part of the day to focus on Jesus right before bed.

A moment of the day when my girls hearts are quiet and ready to hear from the Holy Spirit about their day.

Teaching them to not let the sun go down on their anger or reminding them to ask Jesus to show them areas to work on the next day. Holding them close and speaking Jesus' love into their minds each and every day. Building faithfulness to Bible Study and time spent in prayer before bed.

Anyway... all that was running through my mind last night as I got ready for bed.

Because I was out, I missed the routine... Daddy got to put the girls to bed last night.

I walked into the bathroom and saw this on the counter.

This was my book when I was a little girl. My Mom and Dad gave it to me on my 7th birthday.

It is a book that we pull out often... A book that is getting used 23 years later... with another generation of girls learning to read about God at bedtime.

I am so thankful for the foundation, the heritage that I have to build on as I go through the bedtime routine with my girls.

Even on the nights that I don't feel like getting into a big discussion about why Saul wanted to kill David or why we have to forgive our sister when she annoys us or how we know there won't be tears in heaven or why God heals some people but not other people or if there is electricity in heaven or what color Jesus' beard was or if Nicodemus had a mustache...

Even on those nights when I don't have answers and I want to just slip them quickly in bed, I remember that I'm using my foundation to build new foundations that will one day be drawn upon for my grandchildren.

A foundation that is lasting and true, giving me strength when I don't feel like following through or taking the time.

So, what is your bedtime routine and how do you incorporate God into your nightly crazy time? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Blessings

Let me tell you a story about how God showed my girls His faithfulness.

How He blessed them and spoke to them in physical ways that they can understand.

A few days ago, Build A Bear ran a $12 coupon. You may have even gotten the same email...

Well, Jeremy showed it to me and he printed it out but we weren't sure what we were going to do with it. We weren't sure how to use just ONE coupon for THREE girls. Yes, we could have just bought the other two bears, but that wasn't in our budget right now.

How do you use just one coupon? How can you let $12 free go to waste?

My husband came up with a great plan.

He ran it by me quickly and then told the girls.

"Hey girls... what do you think of going to the mall and finding another kid to give this coupon to?"

At first, they were not really excited about this plan. In fact, Annalise even cried.

But, we pushed the idea that Christmas is more about giving than receiving. We reminded them that they have a few bears already. We encouraged them that this could really bless someone else. We told them that God blesses us when we give to others. Sometimes, the blessing is just the joy of seeing someone else being blessed.

Abby left home singing, "We're going to share our coupon..."

I had some things to do so I stayed home while Jeremy took the girls to the mall. We met up a few hours later at church.

"Elayna, how did it go at the mall?"

"GREAT!!! We saw this little girl and asked her if she wanted a bear. Her step-dad said yes and we all went to the store. She picked out a brown bear. Mom... she is 7 years old and she had never had a Build A Bear before!! We gave her her first one!"

Annalise said, "Mommy, she was 7 like I'm going to be and she didn't have a Build A Bear... she'd never even been in the store before!"

Abby was excited too because "the little girl was so nice and she picked out a cute bear!"

"Girls, do you realize you gave away your bear coupon and you probably made this little girl's day? You might have even made her Christmas?"

Elayna smiled and said, "That was really fun. I'm glad Daddy took us to do that."

I was a proud Mommy at that moment. It was sweet to see my girls happy and smiling about giving to others. Giving not just money but giving something of theirs to someone who had none.

Well, on Sunday, Jeremy had found some Bath and Body Works coupons. (He is the king of coupons.)

The coupons were for a free 2 oz. bottle of lotion.

Again, he took the girls to the mall (Is he not the best dad ever?)... this time to get a free lotion for themselves. They arrived at the mall right at closing time. They were just in time...

But they were too late to get the 2 oz. bottle of lotion.

"I'm sorry," the girl at the store said, "we are all out of that size of lotion."

I can just imagine my girls' faces falling...

"But," she continued, "since we are all out of that size, would you like a bigger size?"

My girls walked out of there with 3 oz. bottles of lotion.

This was a sweet and simple lesson of how God blesses us when we choose to bless others.

He was faithful to give back to my girls and show them that He sees the things they do and He cares about them.

He cared enough to bless them when the feeling of giving was fresh in their minds.

He didn't have to do that.

He doesn't always do that.

But this time He did.

We didn't know that the girls would end up with more lotion than they should have gotten. Only God could do that.

They gave away $12 from Build A Bear and gained $15 worth of lotion from Bath and Body Works.

God is SO good.

All the time... He is good.

With God...

"Have a heart that never hardens, a 
temper that never fires, and a touch that never 
hurts." - Charles Dickens

I read that quote this weekend while at a girls ministries conference.

It is a quote that sounds good on the surface but seems nearly impossible in practice.

Is it possible to always keep a soft heart?

Is it possible to keep my temper in check no matter the situation?

Is it possible to have my touch on the world be encouraging at all times?

Because let me tell you, in my own personal imperfections, those things are impossible.

I can't accomplish that in my own strength.

I can't even come close.

But with God...

all things are possible.

It is possible to allow my heart, my reactions and my impact to be godly.

It is possible to live in victory over bitterness, anger and strife.

How?

With God.

Be encouraged today. It is not all up to you. We have a God who longs to help.

Go with God and see what you can do!

*linking up with Krystyn for Mommy and Me. and yes, that is gum in Annalise's mouth.

Ten Mom Sayings

 

1. I'm proud of you.

2. Say your sorry.

3. Did you talk to your sister and tell her how you feel?

4. Wash your hands.

5. Pick up the toys.

6. Time for school.

7. That is not acceptable behavior.

8. Gum is not a snack.

9. Let's pray about it together.

10. I love you bunches and bunches.

There are hundreds and hundreds of other things that moms say... these were just a few I said today.

What is one of your mom sayings?

An Afternoon Nap for a Mom

The mom is tired.

She was up most of the night with a bunch of girls for a sleepover.

She needs a nap.

There is a lot to do and three children to watch.

She knows the youngest of the girls needs a nap as well so she turns on a movie and cuddles with the youngest, hoping she will fall asleep.

If the youngest sleeps, then Mommy usually can too.

The middle girl isn't happy about the movie.

She wants a craft.

She wants beads and string or rice and toys.

Mommy doesn't want a mess. She needs a nap.

Mommy says, "I'm already sitting here with Abby and we are going to take a nap. I will get the beads and string down for you later."

Middle girl is not happy with that answer either.

She crumples to the floor.

Mommy is so tired.

Middle girl seems to get over it quickly and moves on to watch the movie.

Mommy notices that the youngest girl is asleep.

With all three girls settled, Mommy proceeds to close her eyes.

2 minutes later the couch is shaking. Middle daughter is unhappy again and is asking for beads.

Mommy says no. Tells her to color, or do a puzzle or go play Barbies. Mommy needs a nap.

Mommy settles in to sleep again.

5 minutes later the oldest daughter decides to change her position on the couch and begins kicking her feet on accident at the youngest who is sleeping.

Mommy opens one eye to tell her to keep her feet still. It is nap time.

Oldest settles in. Mommy closes her eyes.

Realizing that all of this sitting on the couch with a sleeping toddler has made her leg fall asleep, Mommy must move to bed. She lays the youngest down on the couch and heads upstairs.

Mommy hears, "The beads, Mommy! You said you would get them when you were up!"

Mommy declares, "Nope. Mommy is still sleeping."

"But your talking!"

Ignoring the last comment, Mommy goes to bed, falls into a nice sleep and then hears, "Beep. Beep."

Peeking her eyes open she sees nothing that should be beeping and tries to go back to sleep. Almost accomplishes it and hears, "Beep. Beep." again.

Upon further inspection, finds an old cellphone (now turned toy) is low on battery. Mommy turns the phone off and tries to go back to sleep.

Middle daughter, still asking for beads as she tip toes up the steps, comes in the room. Mommy pretends to be asleep.

Middle daughter says, "Oh! My phone!" and happily exits the room.

2 minutes later middle daughter reenters the room and says to herself, "Uh. It needs charged."

Mommy falls back asleep. Then wakes right back up to, "Beep. Beep." Middle daughter has left the phone on. The phone Mommy had just turned off. And it was beeping. again.

Mommy sits up, picks up the phone, turns it off and carefully throws it to the other side of the bed where middle daughter will not find it.

Mommy debates even trying to go back to sleep. Lays down only to hear the youngest wake up.

Mommy goes downstairs lamenting the fact that naps are impossible to find in a house with children.

Coming down the stairs and entering the living room, she finds something very interesting.

Daddy is sound asleep.

Top Ten Things I Tell Myself...

Whether you are talking about marriage, parenting, homeschooling, friendships, seasons of life or family dynamics, there are some things I tell myself that help me through the day.

Sayings that have greatly impacted my daily life.

My attitude. My heart condition. My thought processes.

1} Get Joy - "Go and enjoy... for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

2} This too shall pass - "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

3} Think before you speak - "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." James 1:19

4} God loves me - "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

5} God is here with me - "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1-3

6} I do not have to worry - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

7} Patience is love - "Love is patient, love is kind." I Corinthians 13:4

8} I can trust God's plan - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 and "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 and "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

9} Move when God says Move - "At the LORD’s command they encamped, and at the LORD’s command they set out. They obeyed the LORD’s order, in accordance with his command through Moses." Numbers 9:23 and "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path." Psalm 119:105 and "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14

10} Keep doing good - "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:9-10

I hope this list of sayings helps you as much as it helps me. Keeping God's Word at the forefront of my day goes a long way in helping me stay focused on kingdom perspectives instead of the pulls of this life.

Taking the time to apply these verses is challenging, time-involved and oh, so worth it!

-----------------------------

I had to come back and add #11. After reading this post from Veronica and knowing all the obstacles many of us face everyday...

11} With God ALL Things Are Possible - "Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

Do you have any more you can add to this list?

*also linking up with Thought Provoking Thursday

A Question

On our trip to Iowa, we have been listening to Adventures in Odyssey.

We happened to be listening to an episode about storing up treasures in heaven and not on earth.

It was about a family who was preparing for a garage sale to help an orphanage. They were sorting through their things and cleaning out the attic.

One night, they were sitting at the dinner table discussing what kinds of things are most important to us.

The daughter asked, "Ok, pretend our house was on fire. We were all safe. What was the one thing you grabbed before coming out of the fire. What would be the one thing that you would save from being burned in the house?"

All of the family members had an answer...

so I pushed stop on the CD and asked the girls the same question, "If you could save one thing, what would it be?"

Abigail, without hesitation says, "A mirror!"

Jeremy and I looked at each other like "Did she misunderstand the question?"

"Abby, that would be the one thing that you would save from a fire? A mirror?"

"Yes! So I could look at myself and put on makeup!"

Alright... as if she has ever put on makeup...

Annalise exclaims, "My stuffed animals!"

Then, Elayna very thoughtfully says, "I would grab my piggy bank because then I would still have my money."

I started laughing because they all perfectly showed their personalities in their answer.

Abby is ALL girl.

Annalise is all pretend and fun.

Elayna is serious and practical.

So, I asked Jeremy what his answer would be.

"I would grab a rubbermaid bin and just start throwing stuff into it."

Ah! SO his personality! He would think of a way to still have ONE thing but make sure he could fill it with lots of OTHER things.

Me?

Well, I said my laptop/hard drive because that is where all of our pictures are stored.

Showing my personality too, I suppose.

Great family time...

Have you asked your family a fun question lately?

We Don't Do Chores

We were visiting with family last week.

Jeremy's aunt and I were talking and she said, "Uhm, I asked Elayna what kinds of chores she does around the house and she said, "None."

I looked at her, ready to defend myself because of course my girls do chores... they do lots of things... like... well...

But before I could say anything, Christa went on to say, "My girls didn't do chores either. They all helped with everything. And that's what Elayna said she does."

As we continued to talk, I heard more about what Elayna had to say after she plainly exclaimed that she didn't do any chores.

Elayna told Christa that she just helps with whatever needs to be done.

Christa, having raised 4 girls herself, said that is how she raised her family. Everybody pitches in wherever help is needed.

I didn't realize that Elayna saw that as no chores. Because I raise my girls to help with everything, they step in when I need them and help when there is a job to do. They really don't have specific chores.

Groceries... we all bring them in.
Cleaning... everyone helps pick up
Laundry... the girls sort their clothes and bring them downstairs
Time to make beds... they go make their beds
Toys... everyone grabs toys and gets them out of the main rooms and into the playroom

No charts. No chore lists. No check marks or reward systems or posters.

Just an expectation that we help when it is time to help. I want them to learn immediate obedience, being able to see a job and do it, working until the job is done, helping is more important than who made the mess, and being a part of a family means working together.

You see, I'm too "lazy" for chore charts. See I'm A Lazy Mom for details about "lazy" parenting.

I can't keep up with them, can't remember who did what last time and how to fairly divide up the chore list. I don't want the job of battling my kids until their chores are done or worrying about how much allowance a certain chore is worth. Chore charts are a lot of work for mom!

Occasionally, I'll type up a list of things to do if I'm not going to be home so the girls know what to do. Which this list tends to be a help to Daddy more than the girls, if you know what I mean.

Some days, no chores get done at all. We are too busy.

Other days, we work together all day cleaning the house, working in the yard or putting away clothes.

Now, the general rule is if you make a mess, you clean it up.

That does help.

But even then, if we are all working together and I hear one girl say, "But I didn't make this mess! Why do I have to clean it up?" or "I'm doing more than her." or even "Why isn't she working when I am?"

I have a red flag that reads "TEACHING MOMENT" in bright neon green letters.

In that moment, I will stop and say, "Well, actually... Mommy cleans up messes all the time that aren't her messes. Everybody has to do things that they don't want to do or things they don't think they should have to do. It's a part of life. That is why God's word reminds us to do it all for the Lord. You aren't just helping your sister by helping her clean and you aren't just helping Mommy work in the house, you are helping God and working for the Lord."

I look to Colossians 3:17 all. the. time.

"And, whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

*linking this picture up with Mommy and Me

I was so proud when Elayna answered the chore question the way she did.

We don't have "my chores" and "your chores". We don't say "I'm done my chores and your not." We don't have to worry about how much this chore is worth or what discipline should happen because that chore didn't get done.

Not to say that chore charts can't work for your home and teach these same principles, because they sure can! I'm just not able to make it work for us.

Our home gets taken care of by all of us and we work together to make it happen.

Oh, they complain and whine and cry at times, but as I persistantly work with them, I see their attitudes getting better.

Through this, I'm praying my girls learn to pitch in when help is needed and to do it with a good attitude because they are doing it all for the Lord.

I also found this blog post by Doorposts that I LOVE. It talks about training our children to see needs around them so they learn to have the initiative to help out without being told.

How do you handle chores in your home? Do you have any good parenting ideas when it comes to asking your kids to help out around the house?

The LazyMom and I talked about it on her internet radio show, which you can listen to here (choose 9-2-11), and I'd love to continue that conversation here.

Thoughts?

Top Ten Tips for keeping up when life gets BUSY!

It is no secret that we live a very busy life.

Hopping from event to event, traveling from place to place, state to state... moving from one project right into another.

I know my life gets busy and crazy at times and I'm sure you have those seasons in your home as well.

So, how do I keep it all together?

*wink

Or rather, since I'm not always ALL together, how do I stay sane in the midst of a wild calendar?

1} Sleep. Sleep has become incredibly important for me and for my girls. Jeremy doesn't seem to need it, although he does seem to crash and nap once and awhile. But for the girls and I, bedtime is crucial. Not necessarily a specific time anymore but a specific number of hours of sleep. If we can sleep in, then bedtime can be later. If we must get up early, which in a homeschooling family can be really hard, then bedtime comes sooner.

2} Scheduled family time. When life gets busy and the calendar is full, we have to be intentional about having pizza nights at home or going on long bike rides together. A time when mom and dad unplug from the world and focus on the kids.

3} Easy meals. I always have a frozen pizza, noodles and sauce, picnic items, cooked hamburger or chicken nuggets in the kitchen. Whether you do once-a-month cooking in your freezer or use your crockpot like I do, having easy meals on hand is a good way to feed your family without succumbing to the local drive through. And, it is easier on the budget too.

4} Always run your washer. I run loads of laundry almost every day. I gather up towels or tear down a few beds for a quick load in the morning while we all get ready or late at night after the girls go to bed. I always feel more productive when the washer is running because I'm actually doing two things at once - laundry and whatever else I'm doing at the moment! When life is busy, I don't have time for "laundry day" like I do in the winter. I need clothes ready all the time to pack up or take somewhere. Doing laundry every day makes that possible.

5} Make lists and stick to them. When I have a lot to do, my lists keep me organized. I tend to miss things and forget things if they aren't on a list. Even the little things that you are SURE you'll rememebr to do? Yeah, put it on the list.

6} Enjoy the moment. Don't get too caught up in what is coming next. Yes, something is coming and there is always another event looming in the distance, but stay focused in the now and enjoy the moments of life. A busy life is a FUN life!

7} Don't forget your spouse. If family time is a 10 on a scale of 1-10, then couple time is a 20. It is that important. Stay connected and stay in tune with each other. Communication is ALWAYS better when you can connect for a few minutes a day to make sure you are on the same page.

8} Have a good working calendar. And sync it with your family members. Even if it is overwhelming to look at like mine is, at least everything is in one place. I even jot notes for next year down on the last page of my currect calendar. When I get a new calendar at the end of the year, I have notes all ready to go in the new one. Planning months in advance really helps me get a big picture of what we are doing and where we are going.

9} Be okay with half jobs. I don't always have time to clean everything all in one day. Hey, I don't even always have time to do part of my house. But, even if I just get half of the bathroom cleaned or toys picked up or the kitchen counters cleared, I feel better.

10} Spend time with God. Being busy is NOT an excuse to let go of your Bible reading plan or your church activities or your Bible study class or doing devotions with your kids. Those are the most important parts of your day. Get them in somewhere and you will notice a difference in YOU and in your kids. It is not time wasted nor is it just something else to do. It is vital to your success in life and your success in your relationship with God. His word will not return void and it produces a valuable return for the investment.

I'm sure there are other things I do but those are the Top Ten things I could think of at this moment!

I hope a few of those things inspire you to keep going strong in the midst of a busy, enjoyable life.

*also linking up with Thought Provoking Thursday

So Beautiful...

I love when God gives my girls moments of His presence. Moments where they sense Him in a situation all on their own. When He speaks to them through scripture or answers their prayer or becomes real to them in a new way.

I love when my girls realize that God is alive and active in their lives and that He sees them as important.

I experienced one of these amazing moments with Abby during Kids Camp.

We were in the night service and Abby and I were in the back of the room. She had been playing with some toys and coloring during the beginning of worship.

She came over, climbed on my lap, and at the young age of 4, she asked, "What are the kids doing?"

I told her they were worshipping God. They were lifting their hands to Him and singing praises of love. I told her that God loves to hear kids sing to Him.

At that same time, one of the camp leader's got up and shared how when we lift our hands to God we are holding up our arms to be held by Him.

Something clicked in Abby's heart in that moment. Without my encouragement, Abby lifted her small hands to God and started singing with the kids.

"Here I am to worship, Here I am to bow down, Here I am to say that your my God..."

As she sang, I watched and listened, knowing this was one of those God moments in Abby's life.

As I watched, Abby started to cry!

I looked down at her and said, "Why are you crying?"

"Because, Mommy, it is SO beautiful!"

"What is, honey?"

"That!" she said, pointing to the kids singing.

My heart broke with love for my daughter and love for my God who would love Abby enough to allow her young heart to sense His presence in the room.

"Abby, that feeling is God with you. He is here, in this room, listening to you sing to Him."

"How can He be in here through the roof?"

Her innocent question is one we all ask... Can God really be here with me?

"He is God and His presence is with us everywhere. That feeling you feel is Him."

Oh, what a glorious God moment for me and for her.

I later shared with Jeremy what had happened and I know it impacted Him the same way.

Then, today, during our trip to the zoo, we were listening to Adventures in Odyssey on CD. This episode was about discerning God's Truth for our lives.

As the CD played, Abby leaned up to me and said, "Mommy, when I listen to this CD I feel that same thing. You know the thing I felt when I cried because the singing was so beautiful. Jesus must be with us."

She got it. She learned to sense God's presence with her.

I could not be more thankful...