Marriage

I've had this post about marriage bouncing around in my head for a few weeks now.

I wanted to post it around Valentine's Day, but, well... time just got away from me this month.

It is almost March. Amazing...

Anyway, can we all just agree with each other that marriage is hard?

The joining of two lives is not an easy task. Even after 10 years, marriage is still something that Jeremy and I must work on daily.

Every. single. day. we need to intentionally work on our marriage to each other.

If we don't, it is way too easy to drift into living separate lives in the same house.

I'm not writing this post because Jeremy and I are having problems or anything like that.

I'm writing this post because we are normal. I can be annoying, Jeremy can be annoying. I can get hurt, Jeremy can get hurt. I can be insensitive, Jeremy can be insensitive.

We still have misunderstandings and forget to communicate. We act before we think. We speak before we think.

We are two sinful, human people creating a home together.

In being married, we've learned that even just one day of miscommunication or insensitivity or disagreement often leads to one more day. Which leads to one more day... not a fun cycle to be on.

Being disconnected in marriage takes just one hurtful word or one mean action. Even the smallest things can work against your desire to stay connected.

Sometimes, you cause disconnect and you don't even know you've done it.

And, once you feel disconnected, it can be hard to reconnect. One of you has to decide to take the uncomfortable step toward the other.

Reconnecting in marriage takes heart-felt conversation, humbleness, honesty, brokenness, forgiveness and time.

I remember one particular time... I was really upset with Jeremy. I don't even remember what it was about. But, I was upset and hurt. I looked at him and thought, "Oh, I really just want to stomp off to bed and ignore him." I knew that was the wrong approach even though it would have been the easier thing to do.

Instead, I looked at him and said, "I'm really upset with you right now so we need to spend some time together and talk it out."

Not what I wanted to do, but what I needed to do.

You see, marriage has this "cleaning up your character" aspect to it. If you let it, being married will make you a better person. It will cause you to grow in your relationship with God. It will be a tool that God uses to purify your character from the inside out. Gary Thomas says that your spouse is like a mirror for your sin. God will use that mirror to show you areas in your own life that need to be worked on. Marriage will show you areas and bring out flaws that no one else sees.

How true is that?

Marriage challenges you to work hard everyday, allow yourself to grow and change, allow God to dictate your actions and encourage you to become the kind of spouse that He wants you to be.

Staying connected in marriage is an every day job. It is the most rewarding job. It is a blessing to your family and well worth every hard conversation, every humble confession and every step of forgiveness.

Connect with your spouse. Take the step towards them in some way.

Make an effort to stay connected every. single. day.